I am a quitter

Sometimes things go wrong.

I’m allowed to screw up.

I can’t be perfect.

I thought I wanted to be a nurse.

I started classes this fall.

I wrote this long personal statement…(don’t I sound convincing!???)

I was put on this planet to be a pediatric nurse. My aspiration emerged during my formative years. As a child, I adored the Franklin Institute’s giant walkthrough heart. Whenever I finished one journey through the pumping organ, I would simply start at the beginning again. As a child, the giant heart was the only exhibit that held my interest. As I matured, my love for health related topics and the human body flourished. Both my parents are physicians, so the first time I was invited to dinner at a friend’s house, I found it supremely unusual that her family’s dinner conversations did not consist of medicine, hospital, and science talk.

I was also put on this earth to be a mother. The professions of nurse and mother possess many similarities. Both involve relieving others of hardship. Additionally, never ending compassion and kindness are also necessary. I yearn to interact with hospital patients, especially kids. The task of growing up is difficult, and I want to make the ride smoother. I want to mollify the pain of every child that walks into a hospital. I need to devote my life to making children feel better. I have worked as a camp counselor at a summer camp. I am certain that I had a bond with the group of fifteen rambunctious six-year olds that my co-counselor did not experience. On the soccer field, a particularly tough girl had the wind knocked out of her, she stood up with a pained expression and her face quivered. It was apparent to me that she was on the verge of tears. My co-counselor screamed encouraging words, hoping she would stay in the game. The girl and I locked eyes and her tough exterior vanished. She ran into my arms crying. I spent the summer comforting, encouraging, and coaxing through the daily tribulations that occur at summer camp. At thanksgiving, I prefer the kid’s table to the mind numbing, hoity adult’s table. I falter and hesitate when interacting with adults, but I am at ease when interacting with children. I find kids to be translucent and easy to read.

I was eleven when I was diagnosed with idiopathic scoliosis. A year or two later, at the beach, I insisted to my parents that my hips were grossly uneven. At my first follow up appointment we discovered that my curve had drastically progressed, and a backbrace would be needed to prevent further degeneration. By this point, I was utterly miserable. High School is difficult to endure as a healthy, normal teenager. I had to go through High School wearing a backbrace, on top of all the normal pain and embarrassment associated with being a teenager. At the end of High School, I had spinal fusion surgery. The surgery transformed my life. The cosmetic effects of the surgery were extraordinary. I looked and felt like a normal girl. The surgery removed all my pain and sadness. I am forever grateful to the nurses and doctors at Shriners Hospital, especially grateful to the nurses. The doctors fixed my body, but the nurses mended my soul. I interacted with an enormous team of nurses daily. They took my blood pressure, cleaned my incision, and pumped me with morphine. On the day of my surgery, when the moment came for my brain to surrender to the anesthesia, they held my hand and whispered soothing words. Due to these compelling life events, I yearn to undertake the challenge of your BSN express program.

But now I am dropping out……

Until next time,

L

Confessions of an Intern

I sit in a cubicle and do not see more than thirty minutes of sunlight on the days I work the 9-5 shift. Occasionally, I complete all my assignments an hour to thirty minutes before my workday ends.

Colleges and universities have evolved into large impersonal corporations that churn out students with freshly pressed degrees. Universities operate like factories, and students are nothing more than assigned numbers. When a fresh college graduate applies for a job, the employer looks at their G.P.A. to assess their usefulness. Numbers sit well with people, and give employers an easy way to assess and evaluate a potential employee. Internships are important. Your fabulous internship makes you stand out from the crowd of college kids.

More people equates to a more prolific workplace. Sometimes, near the end of the day, I feel that my main job is to just exist. The hackneyed expression “misery loves company” comes to mind on especially tiring days. I feel that people enjoy having me around to mitigate their suffering. An added person in the office increases the sheer number of people working, and in turn bolsters the office camaraderie. We all work toward the common goal of five o’ clock. No one ever leaves early. Everyone has a clear view of the door, making it difficult for employees to sneak out before five pm without anyone noticing. The phenomenon of groupthink, or when a group disregards a logical decision in favor of an illogical one, transpires daily. Groupthink occurs when people strive to avoid conflict. The term was invented by social psychologist Irving Janis. I am sure the other employees/interns finish their assignments before five pm, but no one dares to leave early. By staying until at least five pm, we do not accomplish more work. People idly pass the time by sitting at their desks waiting for five pm. Mandating that all employees remain in the office until five pm can be irrational. Forcing employees to stay until five pm does not necessarily increase productivity. If one departs from work early, instead of staying until exactly five pm, noting detrimental transpires. Leaving early does not automatically negatively affect the wellbeing of a company. The American workforce operates according to the clock. We are slaves to the clock. Workplace environments rob people of their humanity. If an employee wants to leave work early, simply for the sake of leaving early, it is not unreasonable for them to do so. However, employees must all remain at work until the clock strikes five pm. In the eyes of a supervisor, an employee sitting in the office twiddling their thumbs looks better than an employee jetting out early. Although I do accomplish things, a latent function of my internship position is simply having my person fill the spare cubicle.

When the workday is done, it is time to go eat fancy desserts.

Luv,

L

Reflecting

In high school I felt self-conscious of my body, because I had severe scoliosis. I was even forced to wear a back brace. The summer of my junior year of high school I had spinal fusion surgery to fix my curved spine. The surgery had a drastic effect on my body. Firstly, to my delight, the operation left me an inch taller. Secondly, I was also left with an impressive twelve-inch scar on my back. Thirdly, when I returned home from the hospital, I was ten pounds lighter. I didn’t notice that I had lost weight. The first person that commented on my weight loss was a friend’s mother. She simply remarked, “You have lost quite a bit of weight”. However, I interpreted her words as: “You used to be fat”. Over the next year I slowly regained all the weight I shed during my time at the hospital.

I consider the term “athlete” an elusive title reserved for talented kids on sports teams. I did not think I would ever be an athlete, but things changed. I distinctly remember my first run post-surgery. It was immediately after being “cleared” to exercise again from my orthopedic surgeon. It was also around this time of year. Maybe early march, when spring had not yet sprung. I ran for five minutes and came back inside very discouraged. I was out of breath and out of shape. Soon, my pathetic five-minute runs turned into ten-minute runs. Slowly, the ten-minute runs turned into twenty-minute runs. Eventually I started counting miles instead of minutes. During my sophomore year of college ran a 10k race with my sister. I was so unbelievable high off of running after I ran my first 10k. I became addicted to that feeling. You would think that a girl who just completed her third marathon would not hesitate to call herself an athlete, but I do. You know what??? I am a freaking athlete, so screw anyone that looks at me and thinks otherwise.

Anyway, enough reflecting.

Currently, I am having pain in my calf. I don’t know if I should go to the gym, or just rest. I have not been doing much physical activity since the marathon, so I don’t know what this pain is all about.

Maybe I will just chill, relax, and sip some ice tea.

S’mores

S’mores are my favorite part of fall. I know most people associate s’mores with summer, but I like s’mores in the fall. Pumpkin makes me want to gag, its too mush for me. Unless you are talking about Trader Joe’s pumpkin ice cream, because that stuff is wonderful! I am not sure if they still make it, I haven’t bought anything from Trader Joe’s since my neighborhood was blessed with a Whole Foods.

Whole Foods is like a food amusement park for your eyes and taste-buds.

The Cape – Breakfasts

This summer, in late July, we went to Chatham, Cape Code & Martha’s Vineyard. In Chatham we stayed at the Chatham Bars Inn. In Martha’s Vineyard we roomed at The Charlotte Inn. It was my first time on the Vineyard. Apparently Lady Gaga just bought a house there! Meg Ryan is so outraged by all the noise, people, and press that Lady Gaga will bring to the Vineyard that she put her house on the market. All this gossip was told to me by a yoga instructor, haha. I didn’t take many pictures unfortunately.

Above is some dry toast.

And an omelette…