“Relationships are full of heartbreak”

“Relationships are full of heartbreak” she whispered. Even though she is clearly intoxicated and can barely stand, her unexpectedly wise words resonate with me. I can’t get them out of my head.

I thought people entered relationships to avoid heartbreak???? In my very early twenties I told myself that relationships were for the weak. They were for the insecure ones that couldn’t stand the thought of being alone. I was SINGLE AND STRONG and I didn’t have much relationship expierence then. So, I naturally assumed that relationships were a safe haven; a place devoid of hurt and heartbreak.

Will I ever find someone that loves me unconditionally for who I am? I doubt it. I think the only people that will ever truly love me unconditionally are my parents and sister.

The love we expierence in relationships is usually a selfish kind of love.

Have you ever loved a romantic partner unconditionally? Or do you love the role they play in your life and the emotional and physical things they offer you?

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Why I run

I just figured out why I run and I thought I should probably alert you all.

I run to beat boys.

I run to beat boys who have wronged me.

Boys who have made me feel worthless,

Boys who are cocky a$$holes

Boys who I can’t stand.

It is as if I am saying

I may not have been good enough for you

But I will damn well be a more dedicated, faster, better, stronger runner than you

No seriously, if you are a boy and I knew you and didn’t like you, you can be sure I am looking up your race times and using them to fuel my workouts. Hell, even if I do like you, I still want to beat you.

Here is a picture of me interacting with a wonderful older race offical to prove that my heart isn’t all evil…

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A weekend at the races!

Whoa. This weekend was a lot of fun.

It all started saturday night. I watched Center Stage on Netflix. That movie is wonderful. From the bad acting to the amazing dancing to the hot guy who worships the annoying girl, Center Stage has it all. It even has SANDY COHEN from the OC! Sandy Cohen is my absoute favorite TV Dad!

Anyway, on Saturday morning I woke up bright and early to make my way down to the Philadelphia art museum for the 3rd annual Back On My Feet 5 Miler. Going to a race completely alone was a new experience. I usually have a “bag bitch”. Now that I no longer live with my parents, they no longer do this duty for me. It was windy and rainy. I planned to use the BOMF 5 mile race to gauge how fast I could run 5 miles. You see, I am also doing the Narberth Cystic Fibrosis run the last weekend in April. It is a 5 mile race that holds a special place in my heart. That is my goal 5 mile race.

My goal for the BOMF 5 miler was to suffer the whole time. I don’t think I really completed this goal. Although I suffered, I could have suffered more, ya know? I just felt off the whole time. By mile 4 I was getting into my groove. I just have no idea how to run shorter races (I guess running 10 marathons will do that to you). Ideally, I would love to get better at shorter races. I need to become more comfortable with experiencing EXTREME discomfort.

I finished the BOMF 5 mile race in 34:45. According to the results web site, that is a 6:57 pace.

I was aiming to finish in 34 minutes. Hopefully I will be able to get my time down to 34 minutes in less than a month for the Narberth run!

On Sunday, the next day, I got up early for more running! I ran THE LOVE RUN! My dad was nice enough to pick me up at my apartment and drive me to the starting line (I guess I need to take back everything I said about not having a bag bitch anymore). Seriously, I am so lucky. He got up earlier than I did! It was raining from miles 1-4 . I enjoyed a respite from the rain from miles 5-8. Then the downpour began at mile 9. I was miserable, yet so happy because I knew I was going to PR. My sneakers and running clothes were heavy with rainwater, but I crossed the finish line with a manic smile on my face. My time was 1:40:47!

Then I hit the hay early for some sleep, or picture posing….

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Overall, it was an amazing weekend, but I am really looking forward to being able to stay out late this coming weeking. And then being able to sleep in! And then going to brunch at some new to me Philadelphia brunch spots! Any suggestions? Please don’t say Sabrina’s…I am so over that place. Don’t worry, I still plan to name my first born Sabrina!

Until next time,

L

Observations on Tinder from somebody who has a boyfriend

“U going out?”

Apparently my ability to go out is really import to people. Guys want to know how often I do it. And if I am doing it that particular night. I have been asked: “U going out” on numerous occasions. Chances are, if I am on Tinder, I am usually in my Pjs with my retainer in merely looking for something to do before my sleepiness completely engulfs me. When I am out having a life, I don’t go on Tinder. I go on Tinder when I am actively searching for conformation that I am not repulsive. This usually occurs around 1 am on a week night while in bed. alone.

Listen up men of Tinder! If it is a Tuesday night at 12:19am, I am probably not “going out” so don’t bother asking.

What kind of line is “U going out” anyway???

What happen to “I want to take you out”

Or maybe I am completely missing the point of Tinder? Yea I guess so, since I am just using it as a form of entertainment. I am a horrible person. Sorry.

Tinder dating tip #1: mention that you are going out tonight and every night for the rest of forever. You will come off as super mysterious and very alluring, and everyone will want you.

I am a quitter

Sometimes things go wrong.

I’m allowed to screw up.

I can’t be perfect.

I thought I wanted to be a nurse.

I started classes this fall.

I wrote this long personal statement…(don’t I sound convincing!???)

I was put on this planet to be a pediatric nurse. My aspiration emerged during my formative years. As a child, I adored the Franklin Institute’s giant walkthrough heart. Whenever I finished one journey through the pumping organ, I would simply start at the beginning again. As a child, the giant heart was the only exhibit that held my interest. As I matured, my love for health related topics and the human body flourished. Both my parents are physicians, so the first time I was invited to dinner at a friend’s house, I found it supremely unusual that her family’s dinner conversations did not consist of medicine, hospital, and science talk.

I was also put on this earth to be a mother. The professions of nurse and mother possess many similarities. Both involve relieving others of hardship. Additionally, never ending compassion and kindness are also necessary. I yearn to interact with hospital patients, especially kids. The task of growing up is difficult, and I want to make the ride smoother. I want to mollify the pain of every child that walks into a hospital. I need to devote my life to making children feel better. I have worked as a camp counselor at a summer camp. I am certain that I had a bond with the group of fifteen rambunctious six-year olds that my co-counselor did not experience. On the soccer field, a particularly tough girl had the wind knocked out of her, she stood up with a pained expression and her face quivered. It was apparent to me that she was on the verge of tears. My co-counselor screamed encouraging words, hoping she would stay in the game. The girl and I locked eyes and her tough exterior vanished. She ran into my arms crying. I spent the summer comforting, encouraging, and coaxing through the daily tribulations that occur at summer camp. At thanksgiving, I prefer the kid’s table to the mind numbing, hoity adult’s table. I falter and hesitate when interacting with adults, but I am at ease when interacting with children. I find kids to be translucent and easy to read.

I was eleven when I was diagnosed with idiopathic scoliosis. A year or two later, at the beach, I insisted to my parents that my hips were grossly uneven. At my first follow up appointment we discovered that my curve had drastically progressed, and a backbrace would be needed to prevent further degeneration. By this point, I was utterly miserable. High School is difficult to endure as a healthy, normal teenager. I had to go through High School wearing a backbrace, on top of all the normal pain and embarrassment associated with being a teenager. At the end of High School, I had spinal fusion surgery. The surgery transformed my life. The cosmetic effects of the surgery were extraordinary. I looked and felt like a normal girl. The surgery removed all my pain and sadness. I am forever grateful to the nurses and doctors at Shriners Hospital, especially grateful to the nurses. The doctors fixed my body, but the nurses mended my soul. I interacted with an enormous team of nurses daily. They took my blood pressure, cleaned my incision, and pumped me with morphine. On the day of my surgery, when the moment came for my brain to surrender to the anesthesia, they held my hand and whispered soothing words. Due to these compelling life events, I yearn to undertake the challenge of your BSN express program.

But now I am dropping out……

Until next time,

L

Rainy day baking

Why does the rain have to ruin everything. I signed up for a race tomorrow, but I am scared it might be canceled, which is a real bummer since I did all this carb loading tonight at dinner. If it is not canceled I will be sure to do a real big recap on the race to show thanks to the racing gods.

PROM

Saturday May 7th 2011 was my sister’s prom. A week before her prom, we saw the Disney movie PROM, in theaters together. PROM was really not that bad. It held my interest the entire time, that being said, I enjoy dumb ditzy romantic comedies. Yes, I know it has a 3.7 rating on IMDB, but I enjoyed it. The plot is very predictable, but the story line between the two main characters left me with a warm fuzzy feeling.

At my high school there is only a senior prom, no junior prom exists. Which made my prom extra important and extremely hyped up. Proms have always intrigued me. I think they are mysterious. I like how the entire senior class comes together for this one night – anything can happen! Most of my friends had dates for prom. I didn’t think any would ask me (and I was right), so I took matters into my own hands. I asked someone I had admired from a far the entire year. Surprisingly, he said yes, and we went together, however, the whole ordeal was awkward. Although it was awkward, I would love to go back and relive prom all over again.

Much luv,

L